Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Difficult Theological Questions

Something has been weighing on me for a while now. Something that has shaken my faith.
I like reading the comments on political abortion news stories to see why people believe what they do on both sides.

I have been pro-choice for a few years now. After learning that making abortion illegal doesn’t actually stop anyone from having one, and that, statistically speaking, the best way to prevent unwanted pregnancy is to make birth control accessible and affordable along with comprehensive sex education, I can’t support the simple pro-life stance of restricting women’s rights.

While reading the comments section of another abortion debate article, I read about the idea that life begins at the first breath. This person had a lot of compelling arguments using scripture backing up that belief. (you can google it). However, I’m not sure if I’m sold on that concept since there is some compelling scripture arguing against it as well.

The thing that really shook me about this article is the mention of Numbers chapter 5. I will admit, until about a month ago, I hadn’t read much of the book of Numbers. I wish I had.

Numbers chapter 5 clearly outlines a “test” to see if a wife has been faithful to her husband. This test involves inducing a miscarriage/abortion.

Reading this really shook me. Not only does God ordain using abortion/forced miscarriage as a “test” that a quote “jealous husband” can use to see if his wife got pregnant by another man, but it also explicitly states that if the wife does not produce a miscarriage, and she is found innocent, that the husband cannot be blamed for any wrong doing.

I don’t know how often this “test” was used, if it was popular or not, or even if they people of the time were comfortable with this idea of testing a wife. However, it does state that a man can simply be jealous to make his wife endure this.

Yet there is no accountability for a husband. At first I thought God must have invented this law to make sure his people knew how serious he is about faithfulness in marriage, but that feels like bull sh*t when you think about how there is no test for the husband. If God really cared about showing the importance of being faithful to your marriage, then he would have created men in such a way that his body could be tested for faithfulness too. *side note* it is believed the bitter water referenced in the scripture would have caused the woman to have a prolapsed uterus i.e. causing a miscarriage, and a lot of pain.

So what do I do now? Go on believing that God cares about me, a woman, when he created a whole law allowing a husband to force his wife to have an abortion just because he was jealous that she might have cheated on him? Or do I believe that God is good, and that Moses made this whole law up? But what then? Would anything be real if one of the main prophets was a fraud?

This is what has consumed my thoughts lately. I feel like I’ve lost the love of my life. God has been everything to me my whole life. I have felt his/her presence, I have heard him/her speak in my spirit. But now I just feel lost and alone. I have read Numbers 5 over and over and over again, hoping to find a flaw, hoping to find a reason to believe God didn’t make this test. But it says, “the Lord said”. I can’t avoid it, I can’t get away from it, and I can’t stop thinking about it.

What are your thoughts?

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